when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
