Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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