You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
