Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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