If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
