My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
