ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
