so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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