...so i touched it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize