i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
