I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
