rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
