You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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