You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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