Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
