Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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