Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
