So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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