she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk is not a location!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
