he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
