you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
