What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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