If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
