Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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