Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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