Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
