He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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