When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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