Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
