winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize