i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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