I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
