So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
