he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
