now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
