Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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