I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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