i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
