Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
