fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
