it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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