You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
