I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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