Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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