he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
