careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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