I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
