dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
