I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
