just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
