And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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