the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
