A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
