I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
