so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My life is pants optional.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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