if you like me you must not know who I am
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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