who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
