I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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