um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize