Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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