so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
