Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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