I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
