I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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