i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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