I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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