dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
