need another drink. this is the easiest way
I smell stomach acid.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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