Whod you bang
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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