I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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