i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
