So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
