We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
