I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
