saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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