I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
