My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
