i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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