i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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